To The Pathological Liar I Know

I don’t regret you coming into my life in the least bit. You were a fun, and energetic person. They say that with friends, one will be able to experience of which could be a great learning curve. The journey combined that shapes our approach on life. I’m not entirely sure I buy into that theory, but I can say that I learned a great deal.

Brutally speaking, I’m not always right. When we were younger, I had to learn to rely on my best judgment for everything, out of goodwill though.

And after learning that my best judgment was better than most people, I learned to truly rely on the things I had a “sense” about. Your friendship was one of those things. It’s not just about being right or wrong here, either.

Judgment is often obscured by emotion. It’s the biggest, and most likely, a pain in my butt.

As a result, I’m easily lured by the promise of something stable and “real”. Though it usually takes me some time to trust people, once I do, I’m almost uncontrollably close. You were one of the few people I felt I could trust and look up to. When most of my friends were doing undesirable things, I could turn to you for some serious spanking. That is until the next best thing rolled around.

You and I lived from one drunken good time to another, and we were completely under-prepared for a test of our friendship. What I saw as calm waters, I should have seen it as “the calm before the storm”.

Not only that. I should have realized our friendship had absolutely no depth. Take away the alcohol and we’re just two awkward individuals with very different lives.

There was no indication I would be hurt by you, or I wouldn’t have started our friendship. However, when that first indication rolled around, I should have stopped it abruptly. Too many people use coping mechanisms to get by, and unfortunately I did. I made excuses for you. “She should be happy”, I always tell myself.

Fortunately, it’s through the very same feelings that once pained me, that I’ve gained strength.

I used to be hurt when I prove you lied. I used to be hurt when you pushed me aside.
I used to be hurt that I was constantly a victim of circumstance. Mostly, intentional.

Now I’m stronger because of of it. I hold the ability to see a few spaces ahead. I hold the ability to read into signs of corrosion. I have the ability to rely on my first judgments.
I got more than I bargained for in the end.

Easy come, easy go?
What do you think?

The hands of time are genius.

Old memories replaces with new ones. Old friends will be turned back on. And bad feelings replaces with something good..

I’m a little more different every time I lose something. It’s something that I have come to terms with.

I really am getting older.
And maybe I’m a little wiser now.

Whatever the case, I’m now closer to who I’m supposed to be.
I’ve never been able to look at myself like I can now.
And you will never look at me the same way again.