A Moment of Distress

I should have seen it coming...

There was a hint of melancholy when Papa came home tonight. Part apathy, part tipsy, he just blurted out the things he has been keeping for weeks, months, or maybe even years.

I was screaming in frustration the moment he smattered that her darling princess is so good in giving disappointments in the family.

BOLLOCKS. Completely bollocks.

True, I have been a big headache to a funny and supportive family that I belong to. I was ostracized by everybody particularly because of my odd behavior and my passion to live free.

But it was ages ago.

Immaturity paved its way out of my system. I was able to get the chance to correct my life according to my values, goals and what they expect me to be.

And what happened just takes my trust away a little.

I was hoping he'd quickly explain why he said it after all this time but I never received one. I have always believed that my father and I don't keep secrets to each other since I was a kid. It was only him in the family who I can speak about my thoughts and my feelings. It is my father who I can depend on and the only one who can defend me to the people who put me down.

For the first time in my life, I was being judged by the person I look up to. Meanwhile, I have been thinking of what's worse than that, and I couldn't come up with one.

So I asked myself, "What should I do to show them how much I changed"?
Should I enumerate all the wrong doings that I ever did in my existence?

Should I let this pass and think that you just have a short temper tonight?
Should I just welcome the truth that his logic makes sense?
Or should I cry my heart out and accept the fact that maybe, I still am the same old brat that he reared for 28 years.

Despite apologies have been said, I still am, hurt. There is nothing that could alleviate what I am feeling right now. The damage has been done and I honestly don't know until when will I be in a state of doldrums.

Meanwhile, I am clearing my head and my heart by trying to divert myself in doing something silly. Because the fact is, it is excruciating.