Frustrations of the Heart

Time flies so fast.

It seems only yesterday when I let someone come into my life, of whom I let the person fill my senses with so much happy moments. Well, life always have its ups and downs and in one way or another, these happy moments are bound to cease and become a part of a memory.

Just this afternoon I was online and had a chat with my honey on how did our day go, when he said, "at least you won't be lonely when I leave."

Like a knife stabbed my heart, I evaded the topic and told him I don't want to feel sad. Not this time.

But like any other person, I regret to say that it stuck in my head for the rest of the dog-gone day about the situation I will be into in the next nine days. After one such difficult time, just few hours ago, I receievd a message from him saying, "Open up hon okay?"

Words cannot contain the real situation so I chose to keep silent. Anyhow, the bottomline is he'd still be leaving. And I knew that a long time ago. I have prepared myself for it. Have I chosen to leave last month, my guess is he'll be feeling the same too, yet, I decided it would be best if I see him leave first so I can have my peace of mind knowing he'll be on his way for his dream.

So now I don't understand myself why am I feeling this way... Of why depression has entered my life again. Maybe because apart from it, I still have other personal issues that I have yet to deal. Or it could also because I have truly let myself be fully attached with him, not caring about what will happen next.

I came up with a conclusion:

I have risked again myself for my heart's glee. And I'm starting to pay the price.

In the coming days, I am sure there will be laughter, and there will also be days which everything seemed not right.. so unfair. My life for sure will be like a bumpy roller coaster ride, shifting from one emotion to another until that dreadedfully excruciating day.

But I have to keep going and persevere.
Hope for the things may turn into it's right path. And the one most important thing that I should do is to find my way and channel it out and know this is not the end.

Now I am aware of the things that needed an action, why is it so hard for me to get rid of it?
In life, these things are inevitable.
Bear my frustrations.