Thousand Miles of Space Between You and Me

As of writing, there's about a thousand miles between me and honey.
Tonight is the start of my calendar where I won't be seeing him for at least ten months.

It's tough to be in a situation where you have already let a person come and make a great impact in your life. It was indeed the day I chose who to spend my life with and love the person without any hesitations for the consequences that can happen. I could blame myself for this. Given that fact that we always knew that this will be the bottom line. But hey, what I felt and what we had gone through is worth the risk.

I never believe in long-distance love affair even though I have seen it with my own parents. Things will always be complicated but he put great faith in myself that this may work out if we persevere. He took away my fears and gave me a big room of hopes and dreams until the day we see each other again.

It is clear now. My honey is moving on to his next path. I am now happy and at peace.
The dreaded moment of saying goodbye is over and I am left to count the remaining days till he gets back. Until I come back.

So honey~
This space between you and me,
.. no matter where we both are--
I will always be true.

And where this space exist,
You will find me waiting for you.

Damn Signals!

Have you ever find yourself muttering and cursing to yourself since you can't do anything much?
Of course, everybody had this moment. When you are frustrated, you tend to react negatively.

Yeah, and I happened to be in that kind of situation moments ago.

This is supposed to be honey's last night in the country and since he had to spend it with his relatives, the only option we had to get in touch with each other is via text messages and phone calls.

Given that we already spent the last two days together, of course you can't blame a girl for wanting to spend time with her guy. Ten months is really ten months for you to wait, without any assurance that by almost a year, things will still stay the same. You had to make the most of it.

Around 9pm, we started getting in touch with what happened to our day. Thank God for SMS, I told myself, everything that you want to say will reach into the recipient's hands in a matter of seconds.

As hours passed, he called me on my SUN cell. Unbelievably, i got a strong signal in our house but whenever I answer the phone, signals seem to be extinct and line gets cut in a few seconds. We kept calling each other but calls were cut in less than a minute. Dialling a phone number takes much longer than us talking on the phone.

What's worse is, my good old reliable SMART phone is having problems with call connection and both of us can't get through the line. Need to say more?? Yeah, weird signals once again! Whenever I get through, All I get is that damn operator saying "All circuits are busy at the moment.."

AAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!

It was already past 1am and still could not get through that damn line.
Then, thank heavens! Finally I got in!

Unfortunately, he's already asleep.

And now I'm pissed. My phones, the networks, HIM.
This kind of thing never happened to us until tonight. What a great timing!

So in short, the only sentence we were able to exchange was "Hon, kadungog na ka nako?" (Hon, can you hear me?) for damn 4 hours!

And this is what I will have to remember until we come back and see each other again.
WEIRD, DAMN SIGNALS...
Di marunong makisama!
Grrrrrrr!

Frustrations of the Heart

Time flies so fast.

It seems only yesterday when I let someone come into my life, of whom I let the person fill my senses with so much happy moments. Well, life always have its ups and downs and in one way or another, these happy moments are bound to cease and become a part of a memory.

Just this afternoon I was online and had a chat with my honey on how did our day go, when he said, "at least you won't be lonely when I leave."

Like a knife stabbed my heart, I evaded the topic and told him I don't want to feel sad. Not this time.

But like any other person, I regret to say that it stuck in my head for the rest of the dog-gone day about the situation I will be into in the next nine days. After one such difficult time, just few hours ago, I receievd a message from him saying, "Open up hon okay?"

Words cannot contain the real situation so I chose to keep silent. Anyhow, the bottomline is he'd still be leaving. And I knew that a long time ago. I have prepared myself for it. Have I chosen to leave last month, my guess is he'll be feeling the same too, yet, I decided it would be best if I see him leave first so I can have my peace of mind knowing he'll be on his way for his dream.

So now I don't understand myself why am I feeling this way... Of why depression has entered my life again. Maybe because apart from it, I still have other personal issues that I have yet to deal. Or it could also because I have truly let myself be fully attached with him, not caring about what will happen next.

I came up with a conclusion:

I have risked again myself for my heart's glee. And I'm starting to pay the price.

In the coming days, I am sure there will be laughter, and there will also be days which everything seemed not right.. so unfair. My life for sure will be like a bumpy roller coaster ride, shifting from one emotion to another until that dreadedfully excruciating day.

But I have to keep going and persevere.
Hope for the things may turn into it's right path. And the one most important thing that I should do is to find my way and channel it out and know this is not the end.

Now I am aware of the things that needed an action, why is it so hard for me to get rid of it?
In life, these things are inevitable.
Bear my frustrations.

If Your Ship Doesn't Come In, Swim Onto It.

"If your ship doesn't come in, swin onto it."

- Jonathan Winters


Ships. Swim.
These are the very same words I have been visualizing about for the past 7months.
It's getting to be pretty tiring.

While Luzon is being hit by a storm, I am on a peaceful solace right inside my home, contemplating for what should I do as soon as sun shines.

Thoughts of giving up lingered my mind, along with the determination to fight such ill ideas.
I've been thinking about moving on with another scheme for me not to get stressed.
A lot of nerve-wracking noise bugging my head, telling me what to do and not to do.
I am pretty stressed lately, I could choke someone.

I never asked for any sign until today.

Browsing through sites to keep me out of boredom, a quote caught my attention and I started to think:
Yeah, this is one halluva one-liner. My wake up call.

I'm not saying that I should swim my way to M/S Amsterdam (that would look hilarious) but more on doing more efforts than what I have been doing now.

But how do I start the effort when things are already in its right places?
My ship is right in my face but why are they letting me swim onto it when I can just walk?
When things are clear, there will always be something that would come up, making me wait for more.
There is no other way, just wait. As they say, perseverance is a virtue, yet its becoming to be devastating.

Time to clear my head for the meantime and think happy thoughts.
If there's still happy thoughts.

The Lost Tomb of Jesus

I always believe I was a scholar or a historian in my past life.

I'm not trying to be cocky on this one but I always have this great fascination of studying and searching for history. Most people find it odd whenever I get myself totally engrossed on something that would make my head ding that would keep me out of my social life for a few hours, even days, weeks, or worse, months.

This is just one of the times.

When I was in Manila, my aunt told me that she has a DVD of Discovery Channel's The Lost Tomb of Jesus.

I have read about in 2007 and made an extra mile to search for everything there is to know. I have spent a lot on this topic discussing it to my students when I was teaching, encouraged friends to read the same and debate whether it is authentic or not. Yet, I haven't watched the James Cameron production until now.

Then I realized I left the DVD and I was very devastated so I searched if there's one in youtube.com. I'm so lucky there is!

If you think this would interest you, you can go to URL http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHBQz6GWJAI. It has basically 10 videos so just look for it in related videos or visit www.tvshack.net, go to documentaries and look for The Lost Tomb of Jesus. I made an effort of adding a link so others will not have a hard time watching like I had.

Anyway, I enjoyed watching it and have concluded that this is possible since people nowadays are so innovative in search for the whole truth.

Three Things

While I was on my way to Commonwealth, I have come up a simple guideline on how to make my life accomplished as possible as I can. Inspired by the bulletin posts on friendster and notes on facebook, I think I have come up something not-so-bad.

I call it THREE THINGS.

1. What are the three HIGHLIGHTS in your life at the start of the year up to the present?(It should be something that made you smile, something memorable, something you have accomplished, or, something you are proud of.)
2. What are the three CRISES in your life at the start of the year up to the present? (This should be your problems that you dread so much)
3. What are the three CHALLENGES that you want to make it happen in your life?
4. What are the three THINGS that you want to make it happen in one year? (Now this will be your future plans and your dreams - the realistic ones)

Here's mine:

HIGHLIGHTS:

• I passed my all trainings in HAL with flying colors
  
• I get to know who my real friends were
• Finding that "someone" who made my life (more, if it's acceptable) complete.

CRISES:

• my papers (including medical)
• visa
  
• payables

CHALLENGES:

• pass my US visa
• pay all my dues as soon as possible
• get on M/S Amsterdam and start a career!

THE FUTURE:

• see myself back in the Philippines with more wisdom (and funds too!)
• back in the arms of the people I love and be able to spend quality time with them. (Aaron, family, friends, my honey)
  
• a complete house renovation

In the meantime, I am thinking of my answers if it is enough. It's not but I had to start somewhere. As I have learned from Stephen Covey's book, "First Things First," if life seems to curl out of control, we need to list down our life as specific as possible and realize why are these important. In this way, we will be able to patch the holes in our lives step by step. Once you're done, you can make another list. Thus, making your time valuable and stress-free.

Now I'm done with mine... So I am challenging you to do yours.

For Where Your Treasure Is, There Will Be Your Heart Also

"For where your treasure is, there will be your heart also."

- Matthew 6:21

This is one of my most celebrated verse in the Bible. If you read Matthew 6:19-21, it has a whole lot of meaning, but tonight, I will put a different opinion based on a single verse.

Most people miss out (including me) because they never discover one simple truth: Fulfillment in the simplicity of life. In this generation, we tend to seek fulfillment through worldly things. If we have this and that, we'd never ask for more... yada... yada... because of the cutthroat survival in a modern-day setting.

It never occurred to us that in every action that we do, we should do it with careful consideration in fulfilling what our soul needs without thinking of our temporal difficulties in life. It's a human err since living in this world sticks in our mind first than feeding our inner core.

In the last four days, I have found my way again to my lasting treasures.
My family, my career, Tommee, my friends.

Tiresome as it may seem, but I have managed to keep my time balanced for all the people/things that are closest to my heart.

I ran errands to and fro for my family
Talked sense with Aaron without getting angry
Spent time with such lovely friends whom I care so much
Helped a friend in need
Opened a line for friends whom I haven't seen lately
Managed to finish some of the things that I needed to do for my career
Attended an occasion without getting late
Prayed openly without getting distracted
Gave assistance to a complete stranger
Smile people at random who meets you in the eye

And most of all...

Spent perfectly magical moments with the guy I love so dearly
(Yes honey, our time may be so short but we had a lot of the sweetest things shared lately..)

They are what I call the LASTING TREASURES of my life.

In our quest to make our lives understandable and manageable, all it takes is to realize that we are blessed even if times are rough and pile of rocks may seem to hinder us in moving forward. People who manage to break out of selfishness and focus more on what our soul needs find a purpose to a life far beyond to the worldly things this life can offer.

For life's meaning is not found in getting more, but GIVING more.

Because whatever gifts we have given, be it big or small, we should share it wholeheartedly. In this way, we fulfill what our purpose here on earth and creating satisfaction in our lives. And there is nothing sweeter than doing a small act of kindness most especially for the people you love. And the rest will go on.

Quote for the Day

"The best things in life are nearest: Breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you. Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life's plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life."

- Robert Louis Stevenson