The Fear I Will Never.. Ever.. Overcome

Only few people know that I have a phobia of heights.

Sure, I have jumped a cliff for leisure, even 6 meters (or is it feet?) above the ground for my survival class. I tried roller coasters, climbed mountains and took zip lines which I have to see the overlooking view of the area. People think I am the adventurous type, trying out risky challenges but really, only a handful knows how scared to death I am.


Today, reality bitch-slapped me when I have come face to face with my fear.

I woke up so early this morning to attend NEO for work in HP Taguig site. I told myself a hundred times that I don't want to experience another rush hour most especially when I commute from Marilao to the city. I left at 6:30 A.M. but, in the end, I failed to hail a cab at the usual place I get one.

So what's the next best thing?

I decided to commute by subway (LRT) going to Edsa and that is where I decided to catch a taxicab. When I got there after an hour of dreadfully dragging myself in the midst of a crowded train, I still failed.

It was scorching today in the city but I had to move my ass faster not to be late. I got the last option: Climb up the overpass to get to the next lane, take a bus, a jeepney or whatever to reach McKinley in time.

My feet were heavy like there were numerous chains on but I did not have much of a choice so I headed. I took my first, second, third step, "Hmmm, seems manageable." I continued to trod until I had a glimpsed underneath and saw the freeway with cars and buses and trucks running like there's no tomorrow and the foot bridge just started trembling.

I was already at the flight of the stairs and came to my senses that the bridge wasn't like the ones I used to walk on when I was a child. This was my first time to take a flight in this kind of bridge. It is made of metal and every time I take a step, a gentle but eerie thud is all I can hear.To top it all of, the steps doesn't have support, and one stupid slip could make your bones break or even meet your end.

As you can guess, my knees started to get weak and couldn't make myself take another step.
I stopped right in the middle and felt nauseous.
But I had to do it.
And so I did.

So when I finally hailed a cab, my knees were still shaking, I silently thank God for keeping me safe.
I gave myself a million-dollar worth of relief for facing my fear.

Then again, it doesn't really mean I have overcome it.
Again, lessons learned. Never to use foot bridges again. Even MRT in Shaw Blvd station
Or I'll die of panic attack.