BREAKTHROUGH

I Need To Relax!

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:25:00 +0000

What if a trusted person would lie to you about one big thing that it entirely changed the outcome of your future? What if, this trusted person would sell you and make your life so miserable? So complicated?

Reality bites. It sucks.. And you're absolutely at it.
Even if you pop a tranquilizer, or take large doses of Tramadol to make you numb, it still won't make any difference. It still would not bring you to a peaceful sleep.

Stressful.

I need a beer,
Loud music..
A chocolate,
.. and all of my happy friends!

I need to relax, clear my head,
... be happy.

I might as well do that this evening.
And I will definitely have fun!

The Road To Home

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:50:00 +0000

"I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
The Road Not Taken

Robert Frost

Oftentimes, people take a certain path of life with no turning back. And yet, people wonder how would their life be if they took the usual course.

As a traveler of life, I have climbed up huge rocks that crossed my way. I have also stumbled through a pile of tiny pebbles because I don't give a time to take notice. I have crossed stormy seas, and even fell from the mighty skies. I did it all, had all, felt all. All because of the two lonely roads in front of me, waiting to be strolled along.

I did it again but this time, it's far far different from the outcome I am so used of getting.
I was lost in a dark trodden path, yet I have found my way home.

Home, in the arms of my family, long lost friends
Home, in the arms of my life's passion, of love and serenity.
Home, that gives warmth to my soul.

I've never been happier after months of self-loathing and despise I have gone through the past months.

And I wonder, if I could have gone through the easy path which I know I'll be safe, would I be this grateful?

I don't think so.

When Something Wrong Feels So Right

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 16:21:00 +0000

I did something wrong but it feels so right. And I have only one person that I could ever confide in to. I know I should repress it. But the puzzle just can't seem to fit into its right place. So the only thing I could ever do is to seize the day, hope for the best and not think of the worst case scenario. Anyway, people make bad choices. It is from them we learn how NOT to deal with it the second time it happens.

This is something new for me. I guess it's the thrill that I cannot resist. The fact that you know it's a huge mistake but you still go for it without thinking of the consequences.

I am such a crazy person to get into this "future mess", but hey, we only live once. I might as well experience this and collect all my misfits in a box and save it as a "wisdom speech" for later.

Until when I can hold on to this, I don't know. But for now, I have to go through it with high hopes that things will be better.. in time. After all, bad decisions are not so bad if you are happy. Just never have regrets.

A Batch Reunited

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:15:00 +0000

I told myself not to bridge the gaps of a school I once attended. Part bitterness, part hatred, part disgust. Yet I did. It was one of the best decisions I have made lately.

To make this post with sense, I have moved out of town from where I grew up. Left the traces of my childhood and cut personal ties with childhood friends (though I still keep in touch using facebook, etc...), I somehow felt alienated with the fact that I will be surrounded with people who, in every year that passed, plans a big get-together for all batch mates. I was not intimidated either. But the thought of being stared at and being whispered on with people whom I do not even chummy with is what irks me. That's what happens to a lot of reunion as far as I know.

What I thought would be a quiet night of catching up with long lost friends ended up a night of reacquainting boisterously with people whom I am not even close with. Let's face it. My greatest hobby was to collect Catholic uniforms from all places. The friends I keep are just a handful from each batch I attended. After 14 years of not seeing most of them, I was, surprisingly, up and about, catching up with everyone and vice versa. Even to those whom I just got their first names recently. But to make it clear, I was never a nobody in all schools I have been to. But I was certainly not a snob. I just tend to be picky with people whom I would like to trust a part of my life then the rest will be mere acquaintances. I underestimated my expectations.

Seeing ourselves getting wasted came to a point of realization that things hasn't changed in most aspects to people whom you have spent your teenage life with. Laughter will always be there. The grave teasing, embarrassing situations and "hot-seats" will never fade. Yet it changed as well. Some, for the better, some stagnant, but never worst. *at least for us*

Going down memory lane feels so refreshing. My once shattered piece from this year's hardship suddenly became whole again. So now I could say, this is a start of a new life after renewing friendships and moments of reflection between who I was to who I am now.

What's best is I gained and regained more friends whom I can share bits and pieces to remember. I, once again, opened another chapter that I will truly cherish throughout my span.

What Was Then.. And This Is Now

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 17:32:00 +0000

My little boy is not so little anymore. And, while I'm completely happy and satisfied with the way he should be (despite spontaneous angst), I get pretty amazed that right under my nose... Time flies so fast.

It seems only yesterday when I got hit with a truckload of guilt and remorse. I remember the time when he was at the height of dependency, I used to go out partying with friends, rather than taking care of him myself. And when he craves for my attention, I get really angry and tell him to go to sleep or watch Blues Clues on TV.

As anyone could probably guess, yes, I used to be an insensitive, irresponsible mother.

But all is forgotten. I've honestly thought of myself as a changed person.
I was able to reach a breaking point that my personal identity was not lost just because I bore a child.

Although there were (realistically) times that I still holler at him for disturbing whatever multi-tasking I'm doing. Or hitting a high stress-level for not following my instructions. I get so ballistic whenever he points out that he doesn't want me to be working here or there and express disdain whenever I had to sacrifice my time to work than be with him. All sort of negativity would pop right into my head because I thought that I have been given things more than I could handle.

Hmmm.. I guess it's just a phase every single mother gets at times.

As I change my views and perspectives. I realized that my son is my most important chore. That whatever I do, it was all for him. I now find comfort of coming home, knowing that when I wake up the next morning, he'll rush to my side just to show his unconditional affection to his once-irresponsible mom. I find joy whenever he goes to school, he'll utter the words "I'll miss you while I'm at school".

My life is changing dramatically these days just because of the simple things a child can do that touches the heart of a mother.

What all happened was then..
But this is now.
Although I should have learned this a long long long time ago.

On a brighter side, there is never too late for anything. We can always fill the gaps and become a better person, a better mother. It's also a good thing that my son turned out the best.

Reuniting With The World

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 09:50:00 +0000

I should be thanking my parents for making me move to different schools year after year. Imagine attending 12 schools in my academic life.. For a normal teenager, it must be a rotten hell. But for me, it was an adventure. If not for their decision to go to different places wherein they never included me, I would not have learned a lot.

For years of living in this world, I have been blessed with too much friends and acquaintances. People I have built connections and shared my life with. Friends whom I fondly call as the extraordinary people, who reached out their hands when I felt all alone. Who became a part of my family, much more, became a part of theirs. Together, we paved our way to self-discovery and realize our potential. Neat huh?

My childhood friends. My second family.
These people who are so used to the fact that year after year, they will listen to my rantings about going somewhere and still, are there, waiting for me at the end of the day.

I have always thought of myself as a best friend to everybody (hmm, almost) and so are they.
But as we grow older, we also realize that we can't be together forever.

There will always be a time in your life that even though you value a great camaraderie, friendships will become stagnant and conflicts will arise..
.. And rash decisions are often made for friends to lead separate ways.

That, happens to everybody.
It happened to us.

For years, I have become a busybody, either focusing on my career or my personal life. I have truly forgotten how much I enjoyed life with these people. To my guess, I think it was all about the wretched feeling I had kept through all these years that I never turned back and smile at them.

Yet time heals all wound. I have come to forgive them and forgive myself for any harm that we caused each other.
We're all grown ups anyway.

As the clock ticks, I am nearing my fate to them.
Reuniting with them is like reuniting with the world.
I felt home again.

Finding Peace In Failure

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 13:43:00 +0000

Cynical. That is what most people are.

In our personal relationships, we tend to listen but never absorb, we never understand. We take their word but never give the benefit. In helping others, we find flaws before giving assistance. Oftentimes, we turn our backs and dismiss it like there was nothing ever happened. In ourselves, we doubt our abilities, capacities, our gifts. We are sometimes clouded with pessimism that generates negativity in our lives...

It was only recently that I have given my utmost trust to a person I have long knew. A colleague which I had been respecting for so long. But what turned out was a complete disappointment and hatred. It was not a good thing but I had let it enter my heart, making me fastidiously restless and ungratified.

I began to believe that he can make a big difference since this person knew what I sacrificed to pursue a life-long dream. And as I have been counting the days, weeks and months, there was still nothing to compensate the things you have been doing for the betterment of myself and others.

It was then I started to cover myself with cynicism.
People really have a knack of making promises then break it. Truly talented in dashing hopes (myself included).

After ending such trivial pursuit, an old common friend has told me that disappointments are part of human err. That what is most important, is, I have been extended small efforts, gestures and favors. Something that can be made a big difference only if seeing it in another perspective.

I felt at peace now.
Besides, I have something to be grateful for... I gained new friends.

Looking for Something Deep

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 11:37:00 +0000

It has been approximately five months and two days since I haven't opened this blog. I realized that I stopped writing since Tommee left for overseas.

There were no special reasons.
It just happened.

And for that five months, a lot has happened in my life which left me alone and desolate. Other times, happy and contented. It was indeed a series of roller coaster ride fate has given me.

There were so many stories to tell, but I have seem to run out of thoughts.
Thoughts that I ought to be using in writing a piece.

This is a moment of a writer's life wherein complete brain inactivity passes through.
I'm hating it.

Thousand Miles of Space Between You and Me

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Thu, 21 May 2009 19:41:00 +0000

As of writing, there's about a thousand miles between me and honey.
Tonight is the start of my calendar where I won't be seeing him for at least ten months.

It's tough to be in a situation where you have already let a person come and make a great impact in your life. It was indeed the day I chose who to spend my life with and love the person without any hesitations for the consequences that can happen. I could blame myself for this. Given that fact that we always knew that this will be the bottom line. But hey, what I felt and what we had gone through is worth the risk.

I never believe in long-distance love affair even though I have seen it with my own parents. Things will always be complicated but he put great faith in myself that this may work out if we persevere. He took away my fears and gave me a big room of hopes and dreams until the day we see each other again.

It is clear now. My honey is moving on to his next path. I am now happy and at peace.
The dreaded moment of saying goodbye is over and I am left to count the remaining days till he gets back. Until I come back.

So honey~
This space between you and me,
.. no matter where we both are--
I will always be true.

And where this space exist,
You will find me waiting for you.

Damn Signals!

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Wed, 20 May 2009 17:23:00 +0000

Have you ever find yourself muttering and cursing to yourself since you can't do anything much?
Of course, everybody had this moment. When you are frustrated, you tend to react negatively.

Yeah, and I happened to be in that kind of situation moments ago.

This is supposed to be honey's last night in the country and since he had to spend it with his relatives, the only option we had to get in touch with each other is via text messages and phone calls.

Given that we already spent the last two days together, of course you can't blame a girl for wanting to spend time with her guy. Ten months is really ten months for you to wait, without any assurance that by almost a year, things will still stay the same. You had to make the most of it.

Around 9pm, we started getting in touch with what happened to our day. Thank God for SMS, I told myself, everything that you want to say will reach into the recipient's hands in a matter of seconds.

As hours passed, he called me on my SUN cell. Unbelievably, i got a strong signal in our house but whenever I answer the phone, signals seem to be extinct and line gets cut in a few seconds. We kept calling each other but calls were cut in less than a minute. Dialling a phone number takes much longer than us talking on the phone.

What's worse is, my good old reliable SMART phone is having problems with call connection and both of us can't get through the line. Need to say more?? Yeah, weird signals once again! Whenever I get through, All I get is that damn operator saying "All circuits are busy at the moment.."

AAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!

It was already past 1am and still could not get through that damn line.
Then, thank heavens! Finally I got in!

Unfortunately, he's already asleep.

And now I'm pissed. My phones, the networks, HIM.
This kind of thing never happened to us until tonight. What a great timing!

So in short, the only sentence we were able to exchange was "Hon, kadungog na ka nako?" (Hon, can you hear me?) for damn 4 hours!

And this is what I will have to remember until we come back and see each other again.
WEIRD, DAMN SIGNALS...
Di marunong makisama!
Grrrrrrr!

Frustrations of the Heart

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Mon, 11 May 2009 18:42:00 +0000

Time flies so fast.

It seems only yesterday when I let someone come into my life, of whom I let the person fill my senses with so much happy moments. Well, life always have its ups and downs and in one way or another, these happy moments are bound to cease and become a part of a memory.

Just this afternoon I was online and had a chat with my honey on how did our day go, when he said, "at least you won't be lonely when I leave."

Like a knife stabbed my heart, I evaded the topic and told him I don't want to feel sad. Not this time.

But like any other person, I regret to say that it stuck in my head for the rest of the dog-gone day about the situation I will be into in the next nine days. After one such difficult time, just few hours ago, I receievd a message from him saying, "Open up hon okay?"

Words cannot contain the real situation so I chose to keep silent. Anyhow, the bottomline is he'd still be leaving. And I knew that a long time ago. I have prepared myself for it. Have I chosen to leave last month, my guess is he'll be feeling the same too, yet, I decided it would be best if I see him leave first so I can have my peace of mind knowing he'll be on his way for his dream.

So now I don't understand myself why am I feeling this way... Of why depression has entered my life again. Maybe because apart from it, I still have other personal issues that I have yet to deal. Or it could also because I have truly let myself be fully attached with him, not caring about what will happen next.

I came up with a conclusion:

I have risked again myself for my heart's glee. And I'm starting to pay the price.

In the coming days, I am sure there will be laughter, and there will also be days which everything seemed not right.. so unfair. My life for sure will be like a bumpy roller coaster ride, shifting from one emotion to another until that dreadedfully excruciating day.

But I have to keep going and persevere.
Hope for the things may turn into it's right path. And the one most important thing that I should do is to find my way and channel it out and know this is not the end.

Now I am aware of the things that needed an action, why is it so hard for me to get rid of it?
In life, these things are inevitable.
Bear my frustrations.

If Your Ship Doesn't Come In, Swim Onto It.

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Thu, 07 May 2009 14:55:00 +0000

"If your ship doesn't come in, swin onto it."

- Jonathan Winters

Ships. Swim.
These are the very same words I have been visualizing about for the past 7months.
It's getting to be pretty tiring.

While Luzon is being hit by a storm, I am on a peaceful solace right inside my home, contemplating for what should I do as soon as sun shines.

Thoughts of giving up lingered my mind, along with the determination to fight such ill ideas.
I've been thinking about moving on with another scheme for me not to get stressed.
A lot of nerve-wracking noise bugging my head, telling me what to do and not to do.
I am pretty stressed lately, I could choke someone.

I never asked for any sign until today.

Browsing through sites to keep me out of boredom, a quote caught my attention and I started to think:
Yeah, this is one halluva one-liner. My wake up call.

I'm not saying that I should swim my way to M/S Amsterdam (that would look hilarious) but more on doing more efforts than what I have been doing now.

But how do I start the effort when things are already in its right places?
My ship is right in my face but why are they letting me swim onto it when I can just walk?
When things are clear, there will always be something that would come up, making me wait for more.
There is no other way, just wait. As they say, perseverance is a virtue, yet its becoming to be devastating.

Time to clear my head for the meantime and think happy thoughts.
If there's still happy thoughts.

The Lost Tomb of Jesus

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Mon, 04 May 2009 13:10:00 +0000

I always believe I was a scholar or a historian in my past life.

I'm not trying to be cocky on this one but I always have this great fascination of studying and searching for history. Most people find it odd whenever I get myself totally engrossed on something that would make my head ding that would keep me out of my social life for a few hours, even days, weeks, or worse, months.

This is just one of the times.

When I was in Manila, my aunt told me that she has a DVD of Discovery Channel's The Lost Tomb of Jesus.

I have read about in 2007 and made an extra mile to search for everything there is to know. I have spent a lot on this topic discussing it to my students when I was teaching, encouraged friends to read the same and debate whether it is authentic or not. Yet, I haven't watched the James Cameron production until now.

Then I realized I left the DVD and I was very devastated so I searched if there's one in youtube.com. I'm so lucky there is!

If you think this would interest you, you can go to URL http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHBQz6GWJAI. It has basically 10 videos so just look for it in related videos or visit www.tvshack.net, go to documentaries and look for The Lost Tomb of Jesus. I made an effort of adding a link so others will not have a hard time watching like I had.

Anyway, I enjoyed watching it and have concluded that this is possible since people nowadays are so innovative in search for the whole truth.

Three Things

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Sun, 03 May 2009 16:42:00 +0000

While I was on my way to Commonwealth, I have come up a simple guideline on how to make my life accomplished as possible as I can. Inspired by the bulletin posts on friendster and notes on facebook, I think I have come up something not-so-bad.

I call it THREE THINGS.

What are the three HIGHLIGHTS in your life at the start of the year up to the present?(It should be something that made you smile, something memorable, something you have accomplished, or, something you are proud of.)
What are the three CRISES in your life at the start of the year up to the present? (This should be your problems that you dread so much)
What are the three CHALLENGES that you want to make it happen in your life?
What are the three THINGS that you want to make it happen in one year? (Now this will be your future plans and your dreams - the realistic ones)

Here's mine:

HIGHLIGHTS:

I passed my all trainings in HAL with flying colors
I get to know who my real friends were
Finding that "someone" who made my life (more, if it's acceptable) complete.

CRISES:

my papers (including medical)
visa
payables

CHALLENGES:

pass my US visa
pay all my dues as soon as possible
get on M/S Amsterdam and start a career!

THE FUTURE:

see myself back in the Philippines with more wisdom (and funds too!)
back in the arms of the people I love and be able to spend quality time with them. (Aaron, family, friends, my honey)
a complete house renovation

In the meantime, I am thinking of my answers if it is enough. It's not but I had to start somewhere. As I have learned from Stephen Covey's book, "First Things First," if life seems to curl out of control, we need to list down our life as specific as possible and realize why are these important. In this way, we will be able to patch the holes in our lives step by step. Once you're done, you can make another list. Thus, making your time valuable and stress-free.

Now I'm done with mine... So I am challenging you to do yours.

For Where Your Treasure Is, There Will Be Your Heart Also

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Sun, 03 May 2009 15:31:00 +0000

"For where your treasure is, there will be your heart also."

- Matthew 6:21

This is one of my most celebrated verse in the Bible. If you read Matthew 6:19-21, it has a whole lot of meaning, but tonight, I will put a different opinion based on a single verse.

Most people miss out (including me) because they never discover one simple truth: Fulfillment in the simplicity of life. In this generation, we tend to seek fulfillment through worldly things. If we have this and that, we'd never ask for more... yada... yada... because of the cutthroat survival in a modern-day setting.

It never occurred to us that in every action that we do, we should do it with careful consideration in fulfilling what our soul needs without thinking of our temporal difficulties in life. It's a human err since living in this world sticks in our mind first than feeding our inner core.

In the last four days, I have found my way again to my lasting treasures.
My family, my career, Tommee, my friends.

Tiresome as it may seem, but I have managed to keep my time balanced for all the people/things that are closest to my heart.

I ran errands to and fro for my family
Talked sense with Aaron without getting angry
Spent time with such lovely friends whom I care so much
Helped a friend in need
Opened a line for friends whom I haven't seen lately
Managed to finish some of the things that I needed to do for my career
Attended an occasion without getting late
Prayed openly without getting distracted
Gave assistance to a complete stranger
Smile people at random who meets you in the eye

And most of all...

Spent perfectly magical moments with the guy I love so dearly
(Yes honey, our time may be so short but we had a lot of the sweetest things shared lately..)

They are what I call the LASTING TREASURES of my life.

In our quest to make our lives understandable and manageable, all it takes is to realize that we are blessed even if times are rough and pile of rocks may seem to hinder us in moving forward. People who manage to break out of selfishness and focus more on what our soul needs find a purpose to a life far beyond to the worldly things this life can offer.

For life's meaning is not found in getting more, but GIVING more.

Because whatever gifts we have given, be it big or small, we should share it wholeheartedly. In this way, we fulfill what our purpose here on earth and creating satisfaction in our lives. And there is nothing sweeter than doing a small act of kindness most especially for the people you love. And the rest will go on.

Quote for the Day

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Sun, 03 May 2009 15:16:00 +0000

"The best things in life are nearest: Breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you. Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life's plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life."

- Robert Louis Stevenson

The Next Outbreak

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 15:32:00 +0000

Yesterday, one of the topic my friends and I had was about this certain girl (I wouldn't call her my friend ~hehe!) was on her way to San Francisco for a vacation and it opened a topic about safety measures she should do for swine flu.

GIRL 1: Huy ingat ka sa swine flu doon ha?
GIRL 2: Ano ba malayo kami dun.
GIRL 1: Haler, ang lapit kaya ng California sa Mexico. (My golly!)
GIRL 2: Sabi ng malayo kami dun. Sa SanFran ang punta namin (Hala!) Besides, di naman kami kakain ng baboy dun! (Nakupo!)

I kept on laughing while listening to my friend's story, BUT....
I am actually confused what SIV (Swine Influenza Virus) really means and how it all started.

But I am not that stupid just like the 2nd girl mentioned above. All I know that it's airborne and it is becoming a pandemic nowadays.

So to feed my mind, I researched about it and learned why it has becoming to be one of the global threats that we are experiencing now.

From what I have gathered,
... It was discovered as early as 1976 when a man from a military was diagnosed and eventually caused death.
... Swine flu outbreak started somewhere in Mexico during the 2008-2009 flu season.
... Swine flu is one of the many types of type A influenza virus, a respiratory disease found on pigs
... As of early records (2005), people who caught this type of influenza are the hog-raisers, and the people who have a first hand contact with pigs. There were 12 cases in the U.S. but none of those died.

Why WHO (World Health Organization) is so concerned about this outbreak is that they have recently discovered that its DNA mutated a new strain of virus. If this type of flu originally came from infected animal to human, now it has come to the point of getting an infection through human to human transmission.

In just a blink of an eye, scenes from the movie OUTBREAK came to my mind. (Remember EBOLA virus?)

Scary.

Now it is spreading rapidly across North America. From Mexico, the hardest hit area to Texas, California, New York, going to Europe and even Asia, no questions about why we should be doubly aware of what is around us.

To understand more of it, here are the signs and symptoms that one (or you) could have swine flu (Let's hope not.)

Throat is starting to get sore.
You feel like your coming down on a cold, cough, or flu.
Diarrhea
Dizziness, nausea, vomiting
Loss of appetite
Nasal congestion
Or, if you have asthma, you feel like you'll get one without feeling feverish.

Also, according to medical records, most people who are infected are the ones with respiratory problems (I'm still looking for an explanation on this but I still haven't come up with one yet. Probably because swine flu is actually a respiratory illness for pigs).

This is the real deal.

There are no human vaccine for this illness so if ever you suspect that you or someone you know have one, either you go to the nearest medical center, have yourself checked and drink Tamiflu or prepare yourself to die heartlessly.

Of course, we would not let that happen right? So here are the things that we could do:

Wash your hands thoroughly. You'll never know that even a smallest thing that you touch is already infected.
Avoid public areas.
If you cough, use a tissue and throw it immediately and disinfect.
Stay home if you are sick. And isolate yourself.
If you have any respiratory problems, wear a mask when you go out.

It's better to be prepared. Personally, I don't want this outbreak to ever reach in the Philippines.

Beggars Can't Be Choosers

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 16:27:00 +0000

These are the things I have learned today.

Career-wise, I had to wait more and be patient. My papers are almost done anyway.
For friendship, I just have to be grateful that they have the time to spend it with me.
To our so-called life, as much as we wanted to reach our goals at a certain time, problems will instead arise and we all get easily depressed but we have no other choice but to deal with it in order for us to become better.
And for the love thingie, no matter how much you wanted to give your time yet a partner can't give it to you, then you'd just have to understand and just look forward for that so-called perfect time.

Beggars can't really be choosers.
All you have to do is feel gratified.
In that way, you will know how blessed you are.

It's All About Priorities

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 18:59:00 +0000

While waiting honey to text me, I spent my time in a hospice near the Walled City of Intramuros. It is the same orphanage that I always visit every year to help the kids in my own way. For 10years, it has been my tradition that I try to pass to my son. In this way, he would fully understand how lucky he is to have a parent, to have someone who will raise him, who will give him what he needs, what he wants, whatever it takes.

Despite having a bad day (of waiting for nothing), I still had a very profound experience while inside the orphanage.

I came there at 3pm so technically speaking, I could not spend time with the kids so I talked to Sis. Elsa, one of the nuns and told me about this girl who just got hit-and-run just in front of the hospice. The nuns took care of her, bringing her to the hospital so she could survive.

My heart was shattered as she told me every piece of the detail of the little girl's demise.

This girl, whom I will call "Angel" is staying in a public hospital in Manila, fighting for her life, trying so hard to get back on her feet and be as normal as she can be.

I was told that she had undergone major surgeries in her head, ribs, kneecaps. Creating a picture of how she looked like during the accident is too much to handle.

She survived, thank heavens she did. The parents were informed and as it turned out, they are more impoverished than you could imagine.

And the real problem is this: All the surgeries, lab tests, medicines reached to a hefty sum of 750,000 pesos. She is, first and foremost, staying in a government-owned hospital. But is forced to stay longer in the hospital to pay every God-damn cent of what they got to save the life of Angel*. Once the family reach a certain percentage, along with apromissory note, then, she will be released.

The father is a cigarette vendor and Angel's mother is a housewife, who stays at home taking care of her younger siblings, who accepts laundry services just to make ends meet. I don't have to reitinerate this but they are what we call the URBAN POOR.

So how will they ever pay the bill and let her daughter live normally?

A sober thought once again came: Whatever happened to our government?

As a taxpayer, I often complain how big my tax being deducted from my salary. And I could not see anything that could improve the welfare of the Filipinos.

All I see are the on-going construction of highways, pedestrian bridges and train stations, reliving eco-tourism, saving dead rivers, making education more competitive and the like.

I am not saying that the above-mentioned are not worthy of our taxes... It's what we coined as ECONOMY EMPOWERMENT.
But what about health care?

I'm no longer updated with my country's current events like I always do but I've heard news of different campaigns regarding health care, which is good.

But what about the kind of situation where Angel and her family has now wherein a life is at stake and you have no means to pay the bills?

There are millions of Filipinos, thousands of companies who are paying their tax every year. Can't the government dole out for something unexpected like this?

Even if Angel's father has PhilHealth (which he doesn't have), or asking for charity in PCSO, it still would not suffice what they need in order to bring their daughter home.

All I'm saying is this: As much as I am proud to be a Filipino, it's too disappointing to say that our government should reassess their priorities. Sure, there are hundreds of issues that needs to be solved in this country, particularly graft and corruption. But would it make a difference if the goevrnment would just focus a little more for healthcare rather than putting it in one's pocket?

Philippines, in the first place, will not be called a country if not for the Filipinos living in it. It's the citizens who makes up a place to become a country. Then how come the government seem to neglect someone like Angel, whom evrybody calls THE FUTURE of our generation?

Just a thought.

A Little Effort Is All I Asked

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 18:35:00 +0000

People have a way of assuming that things will work out as they planned.
Sometimes, it really don't, like in my case today.

It's Friday, the last day of the week for most companies so I prepared early to go to Manila and meet a friend who needed my assistance for his job application.

Today is also my most awaited day since I will finally meet up with my honey, whom I haven't seen for more than a month. It has been four days since he came back from his hometown and this will be the first time I will see him again. I was very anxious to see him, most especially he'll be back home soon to spend his remaining days till he leaves the country.

It seems that he and I were not able to meet each others mind this time.

One thing is certain: I have only asked a little effort to confirm of our plan since we will be meeting up his friend for some drinks and the rest would be up to us.

I ended up waiting for 6 damn hours.

And now he just told me of his side, which I completely understood. He has a point anyway. Though not entirely.

But how about my thoughts? Is it such a crap for him not to give just a minute to hear it out?? My so-called honey heard it, that's for sure. But I think he was not able to comprehend.

And now it made me look like that I'm the villain here and I had to adjust to his way of thinking.

A little teeny tiny effort is all I asked.
And it's so hard for him to take it.

Waiting Is The Hardest Part

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 18:28:00 +0000

For two weeks, I have been doing a lot of waiting.

Waiting for honey to come back.
Waiting to see my honey again.. (yes, he's here 3days ago and I haven't seen him yet)
Waiting for my new schedule.
Waiting for my documents to come out.

Waiting to leave.
Waiting for the time I will get back on the game,
Waiting for the right moment,
Of everything.

I'm pretty pissed now.
But I have no other choice but to wait.

This is indeed the hardest part of someone's life.
Particularly me.

Counting Three

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 20:11:00 +0000

It's Saturday, April 18.
Tomorrow will be the 19th,
The next day would be the 20th...

Only three days left and it's the 21st!
I can't wait to see you honey!

(And you also have a lot of explaining to do!)
Nyahahaha!

Unspoken Words

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 19:09:00 +0000

Over the past four days, I have been exchanging e-mails with an ex-boyfriend from college whom I haven't spoken to in years. Unknowingly, he was one of the people who receives an e-Blogger alert whenever I publish entries in this blog. From a handful of the articles I've made for the past nine months, he would email me from time to time on his points of view about my thoughts.

It's not that I mind, but it was IRONIC.

The fact is, TWICE we got back, and twice we separated with different, yet HUGE issues. And neither of us were matured enough to talk sensibly before saying goodbye (Or was it just me?)

What makes it a cliche is that he seem friendly after all that happened. It should be since it happened eons ago.

Mind you, it's not that I expect him or want him to be mad at me. We're adults now. A gush of realization will always come in our lives that we will eventually learn to forgive and forget.

But then, there were just things left unsaid...

I'm so sorry to hear about your father's passing. I know how much you look up to him.

And I feel so sad about the way your relationship with her ended. I shouldn't be feeling guilty about it but partly, I was a part-trigger in your lives.

Also, I am deeply sorry for all the things I've done. For breaking your trust. It took me so many years to say this and never gotten a chance to tell you personally.

Yet I am happy to hear you're still focused with the sport you really love most. I'm happy our country won! Hooray Philippine football team! All because of you (and the whole team's effort, of course). Way to go COACH! Hehe!

I thank you also for being a friend after all these years. It is one of the things why I am so proud of you. Before we became lovers, we were really good friends. Despite of everything, we managed to keep the friendship, at least through e-mails.

So, thank you for building a great foundation with me. You may not be aware, but you are one of the few people I can count on without pretending of what my real emotion is. Thank you for reminding me of my odd behavior and for motivating me.

You know so darn well how proud person I am that you'll never catch saying all these crap. I know you're reading this, so take advantage of my flowery words before I change my mind. Just be thankful I had the courage and the insanity to spill it out. This is just once-in-a-lifetime thing. Savor it! Haha!

But seriously...
I wish nothing but happiness for you.

Why My Blood Is Boiling

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 17:25:00 +0000

As of this moment, my blood is really boiling and I could not help but to feel mad. And if you are in my shoes, I'm sure you'd feel the same way.

I woke up at 7am this morning with a slight hangover from last night's drinking with my new friends. I never really like the feeling but I have to move faster since I needed to finish a lot of errands before 3pm.

When I got to Manila, the traffic was endless everywhere and the weather is so humid, I feel sweaty all over. "Patience," I told myself. I need to follow my schedule for the day.

My goal is to call the people I need to talk to, furnish my documents and bring it in the Senate, meet my co-trainee, meet my dad and my son, meet Lot, talk to my processor, cancel my visa schedule, pay dues, attend a seminar, finish my medical (which I never get it done), update status, wait for Tom's processor, go to church, attend my suretyship seminar. IT WAS A REAL LOT! I have done most of it except for the two errands that would surely add my itinerary for later.

It was such a long day for me and I am too pooped to think.

When I got a call from Tom, with a song in the background and told me it was for me, I thought my physical drought faded.

I was wrong.

He sounded tipsy (it's nothing new) and told me that he's disappointed, stressing first the fact that i went out for drinks with my new friends whom i termed "chickboy Mar" and "bi-Hannah" up to the point that I don't update him with my schedule since Holy Week passed (in which I told him all my plans), my phone is in silent mode and sometimes miss his calls (but the fact is, my phone has been in silent mode eversince and I wasn't able to take his calls because I have been so busy since Monday. By the time I get home, that would be the only time we'll talk).

He told me that after four weeks of not being together, he doesn't know me at all, that I changed already.. blah blah.. And I wondered that it has only been three days since I started doing a lot of things. Three days and this is what I get.

And what pissed me more is that when he said that I never told him of my schedule (which is definitely untrue!) and that he would not tell his.

I'm so effin' tired today but I managed to put a smile on my face and be optimistic until this happened.

Now I find it so hard to sleep. I have been completely honest with him. And I always made a point of telling him every actions that I make eventhough it seems he never acknowledge it. There is nothing infuriating than being judged and criticized to things that you didn't do.

His timing is so perfect. He did a wonderful job in making my blood boil.

New Friends, Same Old Habit

evhernandezph@yahoo.com (ERICA HERNANDEZ) — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:58:00 +0000

Last Monday, I have made new friends from my PDOS seminar, Hannah (F&B) and Mar (Culinary)
They're ex-crews so to speak, although from different cruise ship until they were hired by UPL.

I like to mingle. Yes, I do.
And there is something about these two people that would make me grin and say, "Oh, they're more than okay."
For ex-crews that I have known, these two people are just a handful of the specie that I could say, very accommodating.

They tell you the dos and don'ts while onboard. The difference between life's reality while at sea and land.
I couldn't help but to think and think about how my chosen career would change me.
I could be far more worse than before, or become better.
Nobody knows til I get there.

But what I am so happy about is that, I made these two people my friends.
This is what is something nice about being in the same career. You get to know a lot of people. They may become your friends or enemies til your last breath. But why think of that while it's early right?

As long as you maintain your self-control, everything will be fine.
As long as you won't be too familiar with them, everything will turn out good.

This afternoon, I was not able to attend my environmental/marine law seminar (when I practically twist their arms in attending) because of my psychometric exam. And while I was halfway of my test, I saw Mar's smiling face giving me a sign that they'll wait for me to finish.

Turned out he'll be leaving on Thursday.

After, I left the room and whined about how horrible the exam was and they said:

TARA INONOM NA TAYO!

My lips haven't tasted a drop of alcohol for weeks (I was saving it until honey gets back.. but I could not help it). I let them tempt me as we head to Andria's, FD's tambayan.

There, they gave me tips on how will my environmental exam would go (they even gave me a leakage for that). I am so thankful!

Hours passed, we were still drinking and having a good time.

I wonder what we would be like after our surety agreement tomorrow...
Lookin' forward for tomorrow.

Glad I've met you guys!
See you tomorrow!
We'd surely rock the place again!
Hahaha!